Using Font In Your Favor

 by Matthew Kenneth Kosak

 

Front desk: I’m sorry we can’t publish something that’s already been published.

Me: Really?

Front desk: Yes truly sorry, they should have told you that before you showed it to the F’n WORLD.

Me: F’n?

Front desk: Excuse me?

You said F’n World

No I didn’t. I burped before I said world, it was an uhun sound, you know like a hiccup, you’re hearing shit.

……

Uhhh…Question.

Yes?

Do you print in green or black?

Black of course. (odd look)

There you have it. Problem solved. I print all of my blogs in green. It’s never been printed in black before.

Pause.

Well,… (chewing gum rapidly) we don’t accept unpublished authors.

But I thought you just said that I was already published? So which is it, am I published or not?

Pause. 

Ok, we’ll run it. But don’t think you’re one of THOSE authors. I imagined her looking past her desk toward the waiting room. It was mostly empty, but in its day.. I presumed it was full of THOSE authors.

How do I get to be one of them? (I walk into the trap)

You can’t be one of them. They are who they are and that’s all that they are ever going to be. If they weren’t who they are they wouldn’t be anybody, you see, they’d be unknowns, like you!

I think you might be mixing metaphors.  

Your father’s name wouldn’t be Minos by chance?

…his dame married a bull?

Excuse me?

Never mind.

Are you sayin’ I’m full of bull?

No, not exactly, but a DNA test would likely confirm it, just to be sure.

 

 

Copyright © 2013 by Matthew Kenneth Kosak

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